Why is it that men seem to think their woman is the only crazy woman on the planet. They seem to believe they are so special that they and only they have the ability to attract the craziest woman out there. Why is it they don't logically stop to think that just maybe it could possibly be that all women are crazy.
I hear men all the time complaining that they always seem to attract the crazy ones. NO DUDE! You don't...we're just all bat shit crazy at the best of times. And here's a newsflash for you, at times its because of you men we get a bit unhinged.
Granted there are the special kind of crazy out there lurking around, just waiting to ruin your otherwise perfect life. I mean movies like Fatal Attraction and Obsessed have grounding in reality. There are your class A bunny boilers out there that will remove the skin off your phallic noodle while you sleep, if you look at another woman sideways.
But for the most part the average woman is just your garden variety crazy. We are emotional and hormonal beings who need a lot of reassurance and affection in our life and relationships to keep us feeling like we are loved. And lets get one thing straight right now....we don't have control of this whole hormone thing. It takes us just as much by surprise as it does you guys. Ohhhh how nice it must be to just have that one stable hormone racing around in your body doing its job correctly giving you boners and making you hairy and manly.
Now I adore my love, he is fantastic. But he is one of these guys who seems to think I'm the only crazy female out there and he's managed to score in the crazy train lottery draw. He seems to claim none of his ex's were ever this crazy. Here's another life changing piece of information for all you men out there that don't get those of us that are of the female variety....The More She Loves You The Crazier She's Going To Be. If there was no crazy in previous relationships then she didn't really care all that much.
I keep trying to educate him by posting meme's and posts from pages on Facebook like "Psycho Girlfriend" or any other crazy girl educational posts. Then when he responds that he can relate I'll always come back with a witty "See babe its not just me....its a girl thing". Yeah that will educate him real good!
Eventually I think he might figure that its pretty normal for girls to be crazy at the best of times. At the end of the day though lads I think you secretly like it. I think a little bit of crazy gets the old Willy Wonka twitching because you know that craziness leads to things being a bit wild and exciting. And who the hell wants vanilla and boring?!
Until Next Time xo
Friday, 4 November 2016
Friday, 30 September 2016
When Life Catches You By The Short And Curlies
Life is a strange and wonderful thing. It has a habit of catching you off guard and taking you by surprise in both good and bad ways. One moment you find yourself resigned to the fact that after a lifetime of disastrous relationships you are Forever Alone. You've even started a blog in honour of that fact and you purchased the Future Crazy Cat Lady starter kit. Then BOOM someone comes along that matches your brand of weirdness and you end up one of those loved up people that always made you gag with disgust.
I'd heard every cliche from my friends and family, such as:
Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact I'm not partial to being wrong or being proved wrong. However in this particular case I'm very glad I was incorrect in my thinking because I have discovered all the above cliches are in fact correct. When a weird dude emailed me on the dating site I was on I instantly knew there was something different about this one. The first time we spoke on the phone my internal voice was screaming at me "This guy! This is the one you want for a person!" Before I even laid eyes on him for the first time I was smitten. He was everything I'd ever wanted in my other half.
I became instantly aware that I had been getting it wrong all these years. I thought I knew what it was to find the right one. I thought I had known what love was. But as I've learnt these last glorious 5 months I'd had no idea. I never knew that loving someone or being loved by someone could be like this.
He gets me and my craziness. He puts up with my neurotic and at times bat shit crazy self. He loves and accepts all the parts of me that are good and bad. When I say bizarre things like:
"If we were a serial killing couple I'd be the one that does all the torturing...that's something I could really sink my teeth into. I'd leave the actual killing up to you"
He doesn't even bat an eyelid...he joins in on the insanity and it spirals into something that if people were listening they'd have us committed on the spot.
Now don't be looking out for us on the 6 o'clock news as the new Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. We aren't literally planning on becoming serial killers. But we do share the same inappropriate weird and crazy sense of humour. I share this same sense of humour with my best friend of 24 years. She's my girl person, she's the Meredith Grey to my Christina Yang. And finally I've found the boy version of this that I can live happily ever after with in blessed bizarre love.
So this is where I have been the past 5 months. Discovering the wonders of true love. Does this mean the end for the Future Crazy Cat Lady blog? No! I may no longer be single, but lets be honest I'm still probably going to be a Crazy Cat Lady just with someone by my side. I still have plenty of experience being single and dating. And I see this blog also growing into tales of life with a boy and relationships. This blog will be a mixture of all these wonderful and crazy things we experience in life.
So hold onto your knickers and enjoy the ride.
Until Next Time xo
I'd heard every cliche from my friends and family, such as:
- When you least expect it
- When you know, you just know
- One day someone will come along that makes you realise why it never worked with anyone else
Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact I'm not partial to being wrong or being proved wrong. However in this particular case I'm very glad I was incorrect in my thinking because I have discovered all the above cliches are in fact correct. When a weird dude emailed me on the dating site I was on I instantly knew there was something different about this one. The first time we spoke on the phone my internal voice was screaming at me "This guy! This is the one you want for a person!" Before I even laid eyes on him for the first time I was smitten. He was everything I'd ever wanted in my other half.
I became instantly aware that I had been getting it wrong all these years. I thought I knew what it was to find the right one. I thought I had known what love was. But as I've learnt these last glorious 5 months I'd had no idea. I never knew that loving someone or being loved by someone could be like this.
He gets me and my craziness. He puts up with my neurotic and at times bat shit crazy self. He loves and accepts all the parts of me that are good and bad. When I say bizarre things like:
"If we were a serial killing couple I'd be the one that does all the torturing...that's something I could really sink my teeth into. I'd leave the actual killing up to you"
He doesn't even bat an eyelid...he joins in on the insanity and it spirals into something that if people were listening they'd have us committed on the spot.
Now don't be looking out for us on the 6 o'clock news as the new Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. We aren't literally planning on becoming serial killers. But we do share the same inappropriate weird and crazy sense of humour. I share this same sense of humour with my best friend of 24 years. She's my girl person, she's the Meredith Grey to my Christina Yang. And finally I've found the boy version of this that I can live happily ever after with in blessed bizarre love.
So this is where I have been the past 5 months. Discovering the wonders of true love. Does this mean the end for the Future Crazy Cat Lady blog? No! I may no longer be single, but lets be honest I'm still probably going to be a Crazy Cat Lady just with someone by my side. I still have plenty of experience being single and dating. And I see this blog also growing into tales of life with a boy and relationships. This blog will be a mixture of all these wonderful and crazy things we experience in life.
So hold onto your knickers and enjoy the ride.
Until Next Time xo
Friday, 29 April 2016
Is There Really No Happy Ending?
Hands up all those ladies (and some men) out there who love nothing more than to curl up and watch the latest romantic chick flick. Probably something Nicholas Sparks managed to tap out over a weekend, based on the amount of books he seems to produce. I'll admit I'm guilty of that. Several of my all time favourite girly romance movies are by Mr Sparks. (Side note: Either his wife is the luckiest woman on earth or she reads them and thinks "Mr Romance My Arse...He never does this shit for me")
However, we continue to watch these movies and cling onto the slowly dying desire to find our happily ever after. The couple that love each other for a life time only to die in one another's arms is how we quintessentially envision true love should be. When in reality most wives secretly spend their nights plotting how to choke their husbands in their sleep. I mean of course there are a select number of people out there who have the model relationship and have found their happy ending. But it is becoming clear that they are the exception, not the norm.
Several times I've thought this is it, I've found the one. I'm not talking about some guy I've dated a few times, I'm talking about in committed relationships and then "Poof" its gone. Sometimes you will meet someone and think, Wow this one has potential for something to grow, and then "Poof" its gone. Always with the poofing and the going.
I know in the past I've dated the wrong men or got into relationships for the wrong reasons. However after an epiphany of my own mistakes I made a conscious effort to rectify this. I've dated the bad boys, the nice guys, the family man, the guy you'd take home to meet your mum, the guy you'd keep away from your dad. I've dated them all and the one thing that is a reoccurring theme is that none of them really know what they want!
They make out like they are ready for a relationship and then they freak out and can't do it. Or they take the ultimate out and cheat rather than work on the relationship. Or they are honest and say they don't want anything serious, I'm not opposed to Friends With Benefits. So you have the FWB type relationship. Then they decide they want more, then they don't, then they do and you think you could have more with them, then they decide they don't again. All this confusion and inability to make a damn decision and commit to something is mind numbingly exhausting. All the "I thought I was ready for something but I guess I'm not."
HEY Do the world a favour, unless you really are 100% sure you are ready for a relationship don't attempt to get into one. Stop Fucking People Around...Men And Woman! You are playing with peoples lives and emotions. Stop being so selfish and start thinking of others and how your actions affect them. Be a better Human.
Seriously people, the fate of humanity rests on your ability to Get Your Shit Together!
Christian Grey said he's 50 shades of fucked up but even he manages to get his shit together in the end.
So maybe there is hope after all. Maybe there is a happy ending even if its not the most conventional one we had planned. But it all depends on us. We need to sort ourselves out so we can be the best possible version of ourselves to offer to another person. So we can give all of ourselves to someone. Its up to us. You need to fix it. You need to fix you so that you stop breaking others.
Lets all work on it.....
Until Next Time xo
However, we continue to watch these movies and cling onto the slowly dying desire to find our happily ever after. The couple that love each other for a life time only to die in one another's arms is how we quintessentially envision true love should be. When in reality most wives secretly spend their nights plotting how to choke their husbands in their sleep. I mean of course there are a select number of people out there who have the model relationship and have found their happy ending. But it is becoming clear that they are the exception, not the norm.
Several times I've thought this is it, I've found the one. I'm not talking about some guy I've dated a few times, I'm talking about in committed relationships and then "Poof" its gone. Sometimes you will meet someone and think, Wow this one has potential for something to grow, and then "Poof" its gone. Always with the poofing and the going.
I know in the past I've dated the wrong men or got into relationships for the wrong reasons. However after an epiphany of my own mistakes I made a conscious effort to rectify this. I've dated the bad boys, the nice guys, the family man, the guy you'd take home to meet your mum, the guy you'd keep away from your dad. I've dated them all and the one thing that is a reoccurring theme is that none of them really know what they want!
They make out like they are ready for a relationship and then they freak out and can't do it. Or they take the ultimate out and cheat rather than work on the relationship. Or they are honest and say they don't want anything serious, I'm not opposed to Friends With Benefits. So you have the FWB type relationship. Then they decide they want more, then they don't, then they do and you think you could have more with them, then they decide they don't again. All this confusion and inability to make a damn decision and commit to something is mind numbingly exhausting. All the "I thought I was ready for something but I guess I'm not."
HEY Do the world a favour, unless you really are 100% sure you are ready for a relationship don't attempt to get into one. Stop Fucking People Around...Men And Woman! You are playing with peoples lives and emotions. Stop being so selfish and start thinking of others and how your actions affect them. Be a better Human.
Seriously people, the fate of humanity rests on your ability to Get Your Shit Together!
Christian Grey said he's 50 shades of fucked up but even he manages to get his shit together in the end.
So maybe there is hope after all. Maybe there is a happy ending even if its not the most conventional one we had planned. But it all depends on us. We need to sort ourselves out so we can be the best possible version of ourselves to offer to another person. So we can give all of ourselves to someone. Its up to us. You need to fix it. You need to fix you so that you stop breaking others.
Lets all work on it.....
Until Next Time xo
Tuesday, 22 March 2016
The Impregnator
I'm sure a large number of you out there use or have at least tried internet dating. Either way you would have learnt very quickly that dating sites could serve as a public health warning regarding a little epidemic I like to call Batshit Fucking Crazy!
Unfortunately this illness does not discriminate. It can strike any age and gender. However, men will tell you that woman are affected more by this disorder but I would like to contest this claim with Exhibit A: The Impregnator.
Usually on these sites men like to be very original in how they make contact (sarcasm). There's the delightful first email with the "lets shag" request. Then there is the surprise attack dick pic which is obviously designed to make your day more fulfilled (eye roll). Its fair to say I've had a decent amount of interesting experiences on dating sites and have dealt with varying degrees of BFC. But my latest experience takes the award for Ultimate BFC Champion.
I received an email several days ago from a young chap who was based in Christchurch. Now for those of you that are non New Zealanders that's quite a distance from where I live in Kapiti. You'd either have to take a plane or a 3 hour ferry ride plus a 4 hour drive. Anyway I'm sure you get the drift.
So we email back and forth a few times and the conversation is completely normal. There was nothing alerting my female spidey senses that this could be a class A weirdo who wants to steal your children and sacrifice them to the god of custard squares or some crazy shit. But my perception of this guy changed with one simple question.....Do you want kids?
A simple question for most and one that I've asked in order to determine if its worthwhile going any further in a relationship but usually that comes down the track. My response was pretty straight forward that yes I'd like kids if the universe decides to play along. I'm old enough to realise that nothing is ever promised and I'm a realist.
His next question was how soon did I want kids...again whenever it happens. I forgot to pick up a crystal ball at the last witches yard sale so I can't really put a date on it. AND this is where it reeeeeaaally started to get a little bit fubar.
Apparently he was not a patient man when it came to procreating and expressed his need to start attempting to sire his offspring within the next month. Now I was never a fan of geography at school but even I could see how the logistics of distance could hinder the process of procreation. And I was pretty certain his wanger wasn't going to reach that far and risk putting Ron Jeremy out of business.
I went on to point out the fact that we were so far away from each other to which he responded that if I fell pregnant he would move up here (cue creepy potential bunny boiler music). Call me crazy but in a perfect world I'd like to know my future baby daddy a bit better than "Hi my names Dave...Can I knock you up?" I did mention this concern with him and apparently it would be fine because he would get to know me when he came to scans for the baby........(cue crickets)
It was at this moment that I had to check my back to see if anyone had placed a sticker on it advertising my baby making bits as a rent a space. Like he was going to use my womb to host his spawn and in 9 months time we'd reenact the scene from Alien except it will be a baby exploding from my uterus howling like a miniature banshee.
I politely went on to decline the offer and ended the conversation. But now I am left wondering if there are any women out there that would take him up on his generous offer of impregnation. For every BFC male there has to be his perfect BFC female counterpart....right?
God help the world if there is!
Until next time xo
Unfortunately this illness does not discriminate. It can strike any age and gender. However, men will tell you that woman are affected more by this disorder but I would like to contest this claim with Exhibit A: The Impregnator.
Usually on these sites men like to be very original in how they make contact (sarcasm). There's the delightful first email with the "lets shag" request. Then there is the surprise attack dick pic which is obviously designed to make your day more fulfilled (eye roll). Its fair to say I've had a decent amount of interesting experiences on dating sites and have dealt with varying degrees of BFC. But my latest experience takes the award for Ultimate BFC Champion.
I received an email several days ago from a young chap who was based in Christchurch. Now for those of you that are non New Zealanders that's quite a distance from where I live in Kapiti. You'd either have to take a plane or a 3 hour ferry ride plus a 4 hour drive. Anyway I'm sure you get the drift.
So we email back and forth a few times and the conversation is completely normal. There was nothing alerting my female spidey senses that this could be a class A weirdo who wants to steal your children and sacrifice them to the god of custard squares or some crazy shit. But my perception of this guy changed with one simple question.....Do you want kids?
A simple question for most and one that I've asked in order to determine if its worthwhile going any further in a relationship but usually that comes down the track. My response was pretty straight forward that yes I'd like kids if the universe decides to play along. I'm old enough to realise that nothing is ever promised and I'm a realist.
His next question was how soon did I want kids...again whenever it happens. I forgot to pick up a crystal ball at the last witches yard sale so I can't really put a date on it. AND this is where it reeeeeaaally started to get a little bit fubar.
Apparently he was not a patient man when it came to procreating and expressed his need to start attempting to sire his offspring within the next month. Now I was never a fan of geography at school but even I could see how the logistics of distance could hinder the process of procreation. And I was pretty certain his wanger wasn't going to reach that far and risk putting Ron Jeremy out of business.
I went on to point out the fact that we were so far away from each other to which he responded that if I fell pregnant he would move up here (cue creepy potential bunny boiler music). Call me crazy but in a perfect world I'd like to know my future baby daddy a bit better than "Hi my names Dave...Can I knock you up?" I did mention this concern with him and apparently it would be fine because he would get to know me when he came to scans for the baby........(cue crickets)
It was at this moment that I had to check my back to see if anyone had placed a sticker on it advertising my baby making bits as a rent a space. Like he was going to use my womb to host his spawn and in 9 months time we'd reenact the scene from Alien except it will be a baby exploding from my uterus howling like a miniature banshee.
I politely went on to decline the offer and ended the conversation. But now I am left wondering if there are any women out there that would take him up on his generous offer of impregnation. For every BFC male there has to be his perfect BFC female counterpart....right?
God help the world if there is!
Until next time xo
Tuesday, 15 March 2016
All The Single Ladies...
Why is it women seem to be the ones given the hardest time when it comes to dating, being single and sex?
If you're a single woman you are constantly told by a variety of people that you better hurry up and reproduce because the clock is ticking. Really? You don't think I can't already here the loud clanging (not ticking) of my ovaries as they screech at me with one of those raspy horror type voices "Fertilise Me!!!!"
The only person that ever gives a man a hard time about reproducing is his Mother.
If you're a single woman who is in complete touch with her sexual needs and happens to have had quite a few sexual partners then you are considered a McSlutty Hoepants. You are unclean. You are disgusting. And you should probably be taken out back and stoned to death just like they did in the good old days of the old testament.
If you're a guy however who has screwed around a lot you are a legend among your fellow men. You are patted on the back. Libations of beer are practically thrown in your direction as if it is an offering to the sex god, in hopes that they too will become a Male lothario.
Why in 2016 are there still these ridiculous double standards?!
Another one that I get quite often is "You're really pretty and seem nice. Why don't you have a boyfriend/husband/partner". What amuses me is that usually this question comes from guys who have an interest in pursuing me. Like they are low key trying to find out what exactly is wrong with me and which parts of me are so badly broken no man wants me. Like I have no idea this is what they are trying to establish because I'm a silly brainless female la la la la la.
"Well I don't know Steve, maybe its because I keep ending up talking to arseholes like you. That may just be the reason I'm single. Because you and your man buddies are just a bunch of wankers who don't have a clue how to treat a woman".
And finally my personal favourite "How long do you plan to be single for?" (cue cricket noises).
Plan...to...be...single...for....Well gee golly I was thinking of a ballpark figure of 1 year 3 months 16 hours 33 minutes and 10 seconds give or take.
I was not aware that I'd planned to be single when I entered into my last relationship. I was not aware that I was dating a man that couldn't keep it in his pants.
No one plans to be single. No one puts a time limit on it. So please stop trying to put the responsibility of successful relationships on the shoulders of Women!
Until next time xo
Friday, 11 March 2016
It's Them....Not Us
I'm one of those people that ponders a lot about things. I over analyse everything, even things that happened months or years ago. I go over and over things trying to figure them out driving myself crazy. Basically I'm a woman.
Its just what we do. The mind of a woman never shuts off. While men are sitting there watching TV mindlessly scratching themselves, they literally are thinking about nothing. They may be thinking how nice it is to relieve their itchy balls with a hearty scratch, but that's about it. Meanwhile we are mentally making lists, reliving moments, regretting moments, remembering things we forgot to do....and on and on it goes.
This is the specific reason we can remember the exact time and date that a man said or did something that was unacceptable to us. Men often joke about our ability to do this and often times refer to us as crazy for our reactions to things they do. We have this almost super human ability to know when something is up or they are up to no good. When we call them on this, once again we are insane.
I've spent many years thinking it was me, that I was the problem, that I was indeed insane and over reacting to things. But the bottom line is if men didn't act like such dicks at times, we wouldn't react the way that we do. It comes down to simple physics....for every action there is a reaction be it negative or positive.
According to relationship guru's we shouldn't "nag" men about the problems we have with their behaviour at times. We should just shut up, be good little woman and treat our men like kings in order to stroke their fragile egos. As far as I'm concerned this is just allowing ourselves to be walked over and mistreated. If a man wants to be treated like a King then he needs to treat his woman like a Queen.
One prime example of this was with my ex husband. First let me start by saying that I know I was by no means the perfect wife. I made mistakes, I'm human. However, I did try the best I could. It got to a point in our relationship where I just knew something wasn't right. Things felt off and I could feel that he was distancing himself from me. When I first confronted him with my concerns I was told that I was imagining things and over reacting. When I relayed my concerns again he told me all the things I was doing in our relationship that I needed to change in order for the marriage to work. One of which was unlike all his workmates wives I didn't make him packed lunches for work. Really? Yes amazingly that was one of his main concerns.
I can laugh about it now, because with time and age I have realised just how full of shite he was. These were just stalling tactics and a way to make me feel like the failure of our marriage was my fault. So I started making him packed lunches and working on all the other things he said I needed to do. I attempted to become Super Wife in order to fix our marriage and make things work. I changed for the better.
The next thing I know he's running off with some other woman who to be honest looked like the back end of sasquatch and I'm left blaming myself for the end of our relationship. I spent so long thinking it was all my fault, that I'd driven him away by being a bad wife. He had successfully shifted the blame to me in order to relieve himself of his guilt that he was unfaithful (Which I found out he was, several times). He had justified his actions by making me the problem.
What I've learnt from this experience is that its not me, its not us, its them! No matter what we do in a relationship or if we change to make things better because they have made us feel like its our fault; if they don't want to be with us anymore then they are going to leave anyway. They are going to put everything on us so they can condone their actions and release themselves from the relationship guilt free.
Unfortunately the world is littered with selfish twats, this is why I believe most relationships fail. Because people are too selfish and focused on what they can get out of the relationship rather than thinking about the other person. When they stop getting what they need they pull the escape hatch and bail. This is not love!
Also let me make this clear I'm not just blaming men because I know there are plenty of women out there that are selfish and treat men like chewing gum stuck to their shoe. But as I am a woman who has relationships with men, my experience is with men. No matter who you are in a relationship with, be it man or woman, if they are playing the blame game and not putting in as much effort as you and making you feel like its all your fault, they are an arsehole. Its that simple!
A relationship is not just one person, its two. And both of you need to put in the miles to make it work. If you change to make a relationship work and they still leave, please do not blame yourself. Don't sit there day after day going over everything in your head trying to figure it all out. Don't get lost in that overwhelming female brain of yours and drive yourself to the brink of insanity reliving it all. Because at the end of the day in a situation like this, It's Them...Not Us.
Until Next Time xo
Its just what we do. The mind of a woman never shuts off. While men are sitting there watching TV mindlessly scratching themselves, they literally are thinking about nothing. They may be thinking how nice it is to relieve their itchy balls with a hearty scratch, but that's about it. Meanwhile we are mentally making lists, reliving moments, regretting moments, remembering things we forgot to do....and on and on it goes.
This is the specific reason we can remember the exact time and date that a man said or did something that was unacceptable to us. Men often joke about our ability to do this and often times refer to us as crazy for our reactions to things they do. We have this almost super human ability to know when something is up or they are up to no good. When we call them on this, once again we are insane.
I've spent many years thinking it was me, that I was the problem, that I was indeed insane and over reacting to things. But the bottom line is if men didn't act like such dicks at times, we wouldn't react the way that we do. It comes down to simple physics....for every action there is a reaction be it negative or positive.
According to relationship guru's we shouldn't "nag" men about the problems we have with their behaviour at times. We should just shut up, be good little woman and treat our men like kings in order to stroke their fragile egos. As far as I'm concerned this is just allowing ourselves to be walked over and mistreated. If a man wants to be treated like a King then he needs to treat his woman like a Queen.
One prime example of this was with my ex husband. First let me start by saying that I know I was by no means the perfect wife. I made mistakes, I'm human. However, I did try the best I could. It got to a point in our relationship where I just knew something wasn't right. Things felt off and I could feel that he was distancing himself from me. When I first confronted him with my concerns I was told that I was imagining things and over reacting. When I relayed my concerns again he told me all the things I was doing in our relationship that I needed to change in order for the marriage to work. One of which was unlike all his workmates wives I didn't make him packed lunches for work. Really? Yes amazingly that was one of his main concerns.
I can laugh about it now, because with time and age I have realised just how full of shite he was. These were just stalling tactics and a way to make me feel like the failure of our marriage was my fault. So I started making him packed lunches and working on all the other things he said I needed to do. I attempted to become Super Wife in order to fix our marriage and make things work. I changed for the better.
The next thing I know he's running off with some other woman who to be honest looked like the back end of sasquatch and I'm left blaming myself for the end of our relationship. I spent so long thinking it was all my fault, that I'd driven him away by being a bad wife. He had successfully shifted the blame to me in order to relieve himself of his guilt that he was unfaithful (Which I found out he was, several times). He had justified his actions by making me the problem.
What I've learnt from this experience is that its not me, its not us, its them! No matter what we do in a relationship or if we change to make things better because they have made us feel like its our fault; if they don't want to be with us anymore then they are going to leave anyway. They are going to put everything on us so they can condone their actions and release themselves from the relationship guilt free.
Unfortunately the world is littered with selfish twats, this is why I believe most relationships fail. Because people are too selfish and focused on what they can get out of the relationship rather than thinking about the other person. When they stop getting what they need they pull the escape hatch and bail. This is not love!
Also let me make this clear I'm not just blaming men because I know there are plenty of women out there that are selfish and treat men like chewing gum stuck to their shoe. But as I am a woman who has relationships with men, my experience is with men. No matter who you are in a relationship with, be it man or woman, if they are playing the blame game and not putting in as much effort as you and making you feel like its all your fault, they are an arsehole. Its that simple!
A relationship is not just one person, its two. And both of you need to put in the miles to make it work. If you change to make a relationship work and they still leave, please do not blame yourself. Don't sit there day after day going over everything in your head trying to figure it all out. Don't get lost in that overwhelming female brain of yours and drive yourself to the brink of insanity reliving it all. Because at the end of the day in a situation like this, It's Them...Not Us.
Until Next Time xo
Wednesday, 9 March 2016
Disney Is Right? The R18 Version
As I sit here writing this I think to myself am I aiming to be the next Carrie Bradshaw? Do I aspire to be taken seriously in my ramblings? I mean who am I kidding, she had a killer wardrobe and one hell of a social life. She dated a string of gorgeous men. Had a lot of both bad and amazing sex. Who can't relate to that?
Truth be told I can only relate to the bad and amazing sex part over the years. But yes I would love to be New Zealand's answer to Carrie Bradshaw. Writing is one of my passions and they say you should write what you know. So here I am, writing about something I'm by no means an expert in but I'm definitely experienced in. And what I do know is that Disney got one thing right out of all of those fairy tales......You do have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince! Except we all know it goes beyond the art of kissing.
Over the years I've read all those self help books about relationships and how to land (or in some cases trap) the man of your dreams. And for the majority of them...I call Bullshit!
My favourite of all time was the one that told me giving up my girlie goodies on the first date was not a good idea because it set the tone that you were easy and just out for sex and that's exactly what men will use you for. I have several counter arguments to this theory that I would like to present now.
First of all, lets be honest sometimes at the end of a first date often you can see there is no long term potential there, but that doesn't mean your not up for taking that little stallion out for a trot or two round the track. Since when did women stop having needs and desires? Because we are women we should hold our legs tightly shut until prince charming finally comes along and blows the cobwebs aside? I think not!
Secondly, what happens if he's a dud? You know the guy I mean. The one that ticks all the boxes in every other way, but you get him in the sack and its the biggest disappointment. Like when the bad mean man stole all your candy.
Now, a lot of people would say that you can train him, make him better. But who really has the time or energy to do that. And you can't train a guy who is hung like a church mouse. There is no coming back from that. And let me tell you ladies, if you haven't already had the misfortune of experiencing this one for yourself, there is nothing more depressing than getting a decent guy home, getting his pants off and discovering that bad boy isn't going to touch the sides.
So my rather long point to that argument is why would you want to wait for 6 dates before you sleep with a guy? Why build up all that anticipation? Why start to like a guy only to discover that he is completely incompatible sexually? Try before you buy!
But wait ladies....there is more. My third and final argument is this. The experts say don't give up the goodies on the first date because then the guy will just use you for sex. In my experience, if a guy is just going to use you for sex then that is exactly what he will do. It doesn't matter how long you wait to offer him a stroll in your lady garden!
If a guy likes you and is interested in you and wants to date you....he will! Its that simple. If you are a demon in the sack then that is just the icing on the cake for him.
Stop reading those relationship help books, they aren't going to help you bag Mr Wonderful. Because Mr Wonderful is either going to like you and make you his person, or he isn't. And if while your waiting for him that means you have to keep "kissing" frogs then enjoy the ride and embrace yourself and anyone else you fancy embracing!
Until next time xo
Truth be told I can only relate to the bad and amazing sex part over the years. But yes I would love to be New Zealand's answer to Carrie Bradshaw. Writing is one of my passions and they say you should write what you know. So here I am, writing about something I'm by no means an expert in but I'm definitely experienced in. And what I do know is that Disney got one thing right out of all of those fairy tales......You do have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince! Except we all know it goes beyond the art of kissing.
Over the years I've read all those self help books about relationships and how to land (or in some cases trap) the man of your dreams. And for the majority of them...I call Bullshit!
My favourite of all time was the one that told me giving up my girlie goodies on the first date was not a good idea because it set the tone that you were easy and just out for sex and that's exactly what men will use you for. I have several counter arguments to this theory that I would like to present now.
First of all, lets be honest sometimes at the end of a first date often you can see there is no long term potential there, but that doesn't mean your not up for taking that little stallion out for a trot or two round the track. Since when did women stop having needs and desires? Because we are women we should hold our legs tightly shut until prince charming finally comes along and blows the cobwebs aside? I think not!
Secondly, what happens if he's a dud? You know the guy I mean. The one that ticks all the boxes in every other way, but you get him in the sack and its the biggest disappointment. Like when the bad mean man stole all your candy.
Now, a lot of people would say that you can train him, make him better. But who really has the time or energy to do that. And you can't train a guy who is hung like a church mouse. There is no coming back from that. And let me tell you ladies, if you haven't already had the misfortune of experiencing this one for yourself, there is nothing more depressing than getting a decent guy home, getting his pants off and discovering that bad boy isn't going to touch the sides.
So my rather long point to that argument is why would you want to wait for 6 dates before you sleep with a guy? Why build up all that anticipation? Why start to like a guy only to discover that he is completely incompatible sexually? Try before you buy!
But wait ladies....there is more. My third and final argument is this. The experts say don't give up the goodies on the first date because then the guy will just use you for sex. In my experience, if a guy is just going to use you for sex then that is exactly what he will do. It doesn't matter how long you wait to offer him a stroll in your lady garden!
If a guy likes you and is interested in you and wants to date you....he will! Its that simple. If you are a demon in the sack then that is just the icing on the cake for him.
Stop reading those relationship help books, they aren't going to help you bag Mr Wonderful. Because Mr Wonderful is either going to like you and make you his person, or he isn't. And if while your waiting for him that means you have to keep "kissing" frogs then enjoy the ride and embrace yourself and anyone else you fancy embracing!
Until next time xo
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