I'm one of those people that ponders a lot about things. I over analyse everything, even things that happened months or years ago. I go over and over things trying to figure them out driving myself crazy. Basically I'm a woman.
Its just what we do. The mind of a woman never shuts off. While men are sitting there watching TV mindlessly scratching themselves, they literally are thinking about nothing. They may be thinking how nice it is to relieve their itchy balls with a hearty scratch, but that's about it. Meanwhile we are mentally making lists, reliving moments, regretting moments, remembering things we forgot to do....and on and on it goes.
This is the specific reason we can remember the exact time and date that a man said or did something that was unacceptable to us. Men often joke about our ability to do this and often times refer to us as crazy for our reactions to things they do. We have this almost super human ability to know when something is up or they are up to no good. When we call them on this, once again we are insane.
I've spent many years thinking it was me, that I was the problem, that I was indeed insane and over reacting to things. But the bottom line is if men didn't act like such dicks at times, we wouldn't react the way that we do. It comes down to simple physics....for every action there is a reaction be it negative or positive.
According to relationship guru's we shouldn't "nag" men about the problems we have with their behaviour at times. We should just shut up, be good little woman and treat our men like kings in order to stroke their fragile egos. As far as I'm concerned this is just allowing ourselves to be walked over and mistreated. If a man wants to be treated like a King then he needs to treat his woman like a Queen.
One prime example of this was with my ex husband. First let me start by saying that I know I was by no means the perfect wife. I made mistakes, I'm human. However, I did try the best I could. It got to a point in our relationship where I just knew something wasn't right. Things felt off and I could feel that he was distancing himself from me. When I first confronted him with my concerns I was told that I was imagining things and over reacting. When I relayed my concerns again he told me all the things I was doing in our relationship that I needed to change in order for the marriage to work. One of which was unlike all his workmates wives I didn't make him packed lunches for work. Really? Yes amazingly that was one of his main concerns.
I can laugh about it now, because with time and age I have realised just how full of shite he was. These were just stalling tactics and a way to make me feel like the failure of our marriage was my fault. So I started making him packed lunches and working on all the other things he said I needed to do. I attempted to become Super Wife in order to fix our marriage and make things work. I changed for the better.
The next thing I know he's running off with some other woman who to be honest looked like the back end of sasquatch and I'm left blaming myself for the end of our relationship. I spent so long thinking it was all my fault, that I'd driven him away by being a bad wife. He had successfully shifted the blame to me in order to relieve himself of his guilt that he was unfaithful (Which I found out he was, several times). He had justified his actions by making me the problem.
What I've learnt from this experience is that its not me, its not us, its them! No matter what we do in a relationship or if we change to make things better because they have made us feel like its our fault; if they don't want to be with us anymore then they are going to leave anyway. They are going to put everything on us so they can condone their actions and release themselves from the relationship guilt free.
Unfortunately the world is littered with selfish twats, this is why I believe most relationships fail. Because people are too selfish and focused on what they can get out of the relationship rather than thinking about the other person. When they stop getting what they need they pull the escape hatch and bail. This is not love!
Also let me make this clear I'm not just blaming men because I know there are plenty of women out there that are selfish and treat men like chewing gum stuck to their shoe. But as I am a woman who has relationships with men, my experience is with men. No matter who you are in a relationship with, be it man or woman, if they are playing the blame game and not putting in as much effort as you and making you feel like its all your fault, they are an arsehole. Its that simple!
A relationship is not just one person, its two. And both of you need to put in the miles to make it work. If you change to make a relationship work and they still leave, please do not blame yourself. Don't sit there day after day going over everything in your head trying to figure it all out. Don't get lost in that overwhelming female brain of yours and drive yourself to the brink of insanity reliving it all. Because at the end of the day in a situation like this, It's Them...Not Us.
Until Next Time xo
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